Divorce…just the word is a story by itself. You picture love and heartache at the same
time. You wonder what happened, where it
all went wrong and what will happen to those involved. However, there are many more details than
that when going thru a divorce, and many of those decisions come down to
belongings. I am not just talking
children and pets, but who gets the microwave, what happens to the dresser, and
who wants to take that Santa clause cooking tray that weird Aunt Jenny gave us
three years ago.
When married, where you are going to live is one of the
biggest decisions you make outside of the actual marriage and children. The same is true in a divorce. If a couple owns a home, there is a good
chance that it is the biggest financial investment (or debt) they have. It is also a big sticking point in a divorce. Many view that retaining the home as a
victory in a split. The “I won’t have to find a new place to live” thought
starts floating through their heads.
They think of the money and time put into the yard, the floors, that
perfect color of paint for the porch and the ceiling fan that one of you picked
out. For all the reasons that many
divorcees try to keep the house, I am here to give you an insight as to why
letting it go is probably the safest (and sanest) idea of the two choices.
If you bought a house together, it was probably a joint
decision. A purchase like that is never
taken on lightly, and in the end was probably a choice made by the couple to go
with this house over the others they were looking at. Without even giving a specific reason not to
keep the house, it should be apparent that both of them will always see it as
“their house.” A residence takes on the
personality of those living in it, but also maintains a little of everyone that
came before. You can paint over the
trims, change the light fixtures, and put up all new pictures and posters, but
who picked the trims, the color schemes in the rooms, and where the nail holes
will go for the pictures. Even in a
“good” break up, emotions still come to the surface at time when you least
expect it.
Home ownership is not only an investment, but it is a
responsibility. When with someone else
in the house, it is a shared responsibility.
Now, I am not saying to run away from responsibility because it would be
easier that way. I am saying that there
is enough you are going to be responsible for that sometimes removing some
makes everything else much easier. When
was the last time you thought of how to budget on one income? What happens to the chores that the other one
used to do? What happens if the housing
market crashes and I am stuck head over heels in my mortgage? A divorce is a new start, and letting go of
as much of the past as possible will make all your other stresses feel less
stressful.
Life does not end at a divorce. I would argue it is more of a new beginning
than an end to all. The best of
beginnings start with a blank page.
Everyone thinks they know how they would handle it, and those who have
been through it always look back and think about what they could have done (or
will do) better. When they say less is
sometimes more, I tend to agree. Don’t
just hold on to the house because you feel that you put yourself into it,
because so did your ex-spouse and those memories will hit you hard once they
are gone and you are in the house alone. I’m not here to tell you that you have
to let the other have it, or that you are making a mistake keeping it. Make sure you have thought about what feelings
comes along with it. You’ll be surprised how much easier it will be to let go,
if you can let go of the house as well.
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